Parenting: A Deer Staring into the Headlights -- PART 2

Something else I'm learning in my "parenting life" is to allow my partner to be involved.  The word “allow” may sound demeaning.  After all, he IS their father!  But let’s be honest, moms, life gets hectic, insanely busy and it’s much easier to make all the decisions ourselves, especially if we are the primary caregiver. 

I feel so fortunate that my husband is pro-active with the girls.   We talk about why we do things.  We view this whole parenting as a “team effort.” He reads parenting books with me, sometimes before me!

I am the primary caregiver, so when it comes to making parenting decisions, let's be real here -- I do have the option to shut him out.  I’m sure I have done so on various occasions.  However, I feel it is SO important to be intentional about letting him be involved with parenting decisions.  I can testify from first-hand experience that this takes some pride swallowing. OUCH!  Over the years, he has brought up certain issues about how we (ahem, sometimes ME) were doing things (in a loving way, of course. Thank goodness he’s not a dictator!) and doggone it – he is usually right.  Rrrgh.  LOL

I can’t even imagine what my parenting would look like without my husband.  He backs me up when I’m ready to give up.  He has taught my daughters things that I never thought of.  They are learning and developing his STRENGTHS because I give him a chance to be involved.  Strengths like communication skills, spiritual concepts, organization and love for people.  He allows them to take risks that might be out of my comfort zone and sometimes he expects more from them than I do.  Me: "You just told her to go poopy on the potty and she did it??"  And, wow, my girls have grown and matured leaps and bounds because of him!

Parenting is a tough, beautiful life experience, isn't it?  And I still feel like a newbie, even though it's already been almost seven years.  I’m sure you realize that every day is not full of rainbows and sunshine at the Caton house, and I certainly don’t have it all together.  (Do I need to tell some stories?!  Aaaagh) Anyway, my main goal for now is to NOT look like a deer in the headlights.  At least not on a daily basis! 

And since I’m on my soapbox:  No matter what parenting style you go with – let’s be gracious with each other and not so critical of other parents.  Let’s be open to ideas to better our families, even when it means swallowing our pride.  (I’m talking to myself here too, btw)  Our children deserve the best.

Parenting: A Deer Staring into the Headlights -- PART 1

It was a thrilling time in my life. 

I found out that I was expecting my first child, and eventually I learned it was a baby girl! The time of arrival was soon approaching. So much anticipation about all the wonderful upcoming changes in my life!

During the last months of my pregnancy, I consistently had dreams about what my baby looked like once she was here. Sometimes she had blue eyes. Sometimes brown eyes. In one dream, she looked like a 1-year-old right after being delivered. In all my dreams, she was always bald and chubby. Well, except for that repetitive anxiety dream when I delivered frogs instead of a baby. (I still have that dream. Please don’t analyze me, at least not in front of my face. ha)  FYI- When my daughter was born, she was long, skinny with a head full of dark hair!

I remember meeting with a friend/former co-worker for lunch during one of those last months of pregnancy. She had recently had a baby and we were talking “shop” about babies. Then she threw me for a loop. She innocently asked, “So, what parenting style are you going to use?” I’m sure I must have looked at her like a deer staring into headlights. “What? Uh… Err… Huh?” I stuttered, “Uh, maybe common sense?”

She proceeded to fill me in on various parenting books and styles. By the way, she was  not condemning or trying to “convert” me to a style. But she did make me think about a whole new world of “parenting thought” I never knew existed!

I consider myself a pretty laid-back, practical person. And that’s how I envisioned myself as a parent. But my friend did get me thinking. I started reading and simply paying attention a little more. I watched some of my mommy friends and how they handled things. I liked a lot of what I saw. 

I learned quickly that parenting is a very sticky, sensitive topic for many people.  No one wants to be told how to raise his or her own family.  It’s almost like talking about money! 

I settled in on a book called “Babywise” by Dr. Ezzo.  I loved how his ideas matched up and built upon the practical philosophy I already had envisioned.  I soon got hooked on his series -- Babywise II, ToddlerWise, Childwise, and it keeps going but I haven’t read that far yet!  I cannot rave enough about how this book series helped Matt and I as parents!!!  I got so many practical ideas about how to handle every day life with my child.  I also learned that I needed to know WHY I was doing things, not just doing things as a parent.  I love Dr. Ezzo’s ideas on how parents can create an atmosphere of love, respect and family wholeness.  I learned (and am still learning) how to do things to encourage my child to respect herself, respect others and become a healthy, happy, independent person.  

SIDE NOTE to those who are continuing to read after the last paragraph – I eventually found out that some people HATE “Babywise” series for various reasons such as schedules, structure, perhaps lack of comfort to the child, and other things.  And my two cents is – you can still comfort your child & have a flexible life as a Babywiser.  It’s been awesome resource to help Matt & I.  Don’t worry, I’ll still love you if you be hatin’ Ezzo-- seriously!  There are so many great parenting resources out there.   My point is how wonderful it is to have a plan and a purpose for what I’m doing with my children on a daily basis.  It definitely helps keep me sane (mostly) and consistent.  Another way to be pro-active instead of re-active.  Gotta love this adventure!